Book the 3rd and a half: The Frightful Forest
by Danieli
Summary: [Now complete!] To be depressed, or not to be depressed that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler to cry in ones room while reading sad stories, or to sit comfortably reading pleasant books...
1. Introduction & Disclaimer

**Book the 3rd & 1/2 by Lemony Snicket: The Frightful Forest**

**Disclaimer & Introduction:**

All characters recognized don't belong to me, they belong to Daniel Handler. So, don't sue please. And when I say "this book was written by Lemony Snicket," I mean to say "this book was _not_ written by Lemony Snicket." So do not blame him for the terrible events in the story you are about to read that the grieving Baudelaire orphans were forced to endure. Even Lemony Snicket's editor could not bring himself to print this woeful tale that includes a mad monster, talking to strangers, an ancient Aztec tradition, colorful frogs, and a rustic gong. So do not read this story and save yourself from the horrible details of this painful experience during the Baudelaire's journey. You have been warned.

You may well be wondering how I got my hands on this unprinted transcript. It was not easy; I had to sneak into the publishers building and find my way down to the basement where they keep their trash heaps before the garbage collectors come around and take them away. I was sifting through the bin for hours on end searching for the letter from Lemony Snicket which I heard was rumored to have been recently received and I eventually found it; shredded piece by shredded piece. It read:

_My Dear-Editor,_

_I am writing this letter on the bark of a white birch tree which I found while wading through the marshes in the Flannigan Forest to find clues on the Baudelaires case. You may notice my writing style is somewhat skewed in this book, I apologize for this; It is a result of writing this while licking frogs to further investigate the feelings Sunny must have been going through when she accidentally took a sip of the frog's secretion._

_To find my next file on the Baudelaire orphans buy a ticket to the 4 o'clock showing of _The World Is Quite Here_ by Al Funcoot and buy "a big can of popcorn" from the middle-aged teller with glasses. You will find a key at the bottom of bucket which will open PO Box 314 at the Punctual Post and inside the mailbox you will find the next segment of the Baudelaire's story entitled _The Frightful Forest. _With it you will also find a vial of frog secretion, a large talon, and a photograph of Misses Blaine Allgood to help Mister Helquist with his illustrations._

_Remember, you are my last hope that the tales of the Baudelaire orphans can finally be told to the general public._

_With all do respect,_

_Lemony Snicket_

I followed these instructions to the tee only to find that the contents of the locker were already emptied. So, once again, I had to search through the building of HarperCollins until I could find this remarkable book to bring it out to the public. I eventually found it on display at the bottom of a locked filing cabinet under the folder marked "This Was Not Written By Snicket" in a abandoned laboratory with a Beware of Leopard sign on the door. Unfortunately, I could not find Mr. Helquist's illustrations or the items he mentioned in the letter.

Now that you were properly warned about this story I doubt that you will bother opening up the book to read it. I do not blame you; you are saving yourself from hours of grieving and sobbing on the shoulder of your significant other (and should your significant other be imaginary; your cat). Or should you still insist on continuing on in some sort of macho test for yourself, I can only say this: you will greatly regret it.

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_Authors Notes: _

_Always read and review; I need incentives to continue writing. Without your wonderful comments I may be inclined to write the story at a very slow pace or I might just quit writing it. So _please_ review!_

_If you are inclined to be daring and wish to read more,  
I will warn you that staring can make your eyes sore.  
So, please don't read on; prevent all of this pain,  
because next: the Baudelaires arrive at Muddy Lane._

_ The next chapter will be put up shortly, just waiting for some reviews : p  
_


	2. Abandoned

**Dedication & Chapter 1**

_For Beatrice –_

_I swore I would never let you down –_

_A week later:_

_I lowered you into the ground._

_

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_

**Chapter 1: Abandoned**

I'm sure if you had good parents who really cared about your well-being they would have made sure you knew it was never a good idea to talk to strangers. This is because you never know what a stranger could do to you. He could try to poison you, take you away and molest you, or even force you to read morose and terribly tragic books such as this one. Unfortunately, the Baudelaire orphans did not have a choice but to speak to strangers because they were once again going to have a complete stranger for their guardian and not speaking to him or her would be incredibly rude after he or she welcomed them into his or her humble home.

So, if you cannot bear to watch the three Baudelaire orphans once again have to do something their parents most likely warned them time after time not to do; I urge you to put this book down right now and pick up a completely different story that involves happy kids and jocular adults because I assure you, you will find no such thing in this book.

"Your next guardian is a wonderful lady and I am sure you will have a great time together," Mr. Poe said while handing the Baudelaire children their belongings – of which their was very little – while unpacking his car.

If you are familiar with the Baudelaires you already know quite a bit about them. But for those of you who still aren't completely aware of their series of unfortunate events, I feel it is my duty to warn you that, once again, this story will involve a certain one-eyebrowed man. So even if you enjoy their new guardian; don't get too attached to her; she will not be with them very long.

"What does she do?" Violet asked. Violet Baudelaire was the eldest of the three orphans and was the inventor of the family. There was nothing she enjoyed more then tying her hair up in a ribbon to keep her hair out of her eyes and making something that does something spectacular.

"Oh," Mr. Poe answered, "I'm not sure. You'd have to ask her." Mr. Poe was a banker from Mulctuary Money Management and had always worked with the orphans to find them suitable – a word here which means "unsuitable" – guardians. One of the chief defects of Mr. Poe's choices was the fact that he knew absolutely nothing about the people he was making the children stay with. This often resulted in them staying with someone who should not, under any circumstances, raise a child; much less three.

"How is she related to us, Mr. Poe?" prompted Klaus. Klaus was the middle child and was the researcher of the family. He read almost everything he could get his hands on ranging from anacondas to Zodiac symbols. It is with his knowledge from these books that the Baudelaire children were able to find their ways out of many sticky situations – and by "sticky situations" I mean "perilous places the Baudelaires were coerced into by someone calling himself Count Olaf."

"I believe she is your fourth cousin twice removed, or something like that," he answered. "But oh-my," he said with a glance at his watch, "look at the time! I have to go! The banking day is nearly half-over and I've got important people to handle. You know the cities sixth most successful financial adviser doesn't sit around and wait for just anybody. You'll find Mrs. Allgood's cottage on the outskirts of that forest over there beyond that clock tower," he said pointing out the appropriate landmarks.

"Can't you just drop us off over there instead of making us walk?" Sunny said – Well technically she said "Effrt?" but that is what she meant to say; luckily, Violet was there to translate for her.

"No, no," Mr. Poe said. "The roads were blocked off due to the recent flooding of the Grim River. The car would get stuck if we tried. Besides, -" he began then broke off into a fit of coughing. When he regained enough composure to speak again he started where he left off, "I simply do not have the time. I'll contact you in a week or so to see how you're doing. Until then, be good!" and with that he jumped into his car and drove off giving them one last wave before he turned the corner and went out of sight.

Abandoned again, the Baudelaires looked at each other in anguish with the unspoken question hanging in the acrid air, "What about Count Olaf?"

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_Athor Notes: Be sure to read and review; Nothing is more thrilling to an author then knowing people are reading his or her stories! Good or bad, reviews keep the shrink away for another week or so.  
_

_Beware! The next chapter brings mud and clogs.  
Quit reading now; prevent your sobs._


	3. Stroll Down Muddy Lane

**Chapter 2: Stroll Down Muddy Lane**

When I first learned about the Baudelaire children's walk down Muddy Lane I could only think of the phrase "Happy as a clam at high tide." This basically means that clams love to lie in the mud, but when it is low tide clam hunters can get to them and take them away from their beloved mud.

This particular expressions comes to mind because as the orphans walked down Muddy Lane they could feel the mud seep up over the rims of their sneakers and fill their shoes – a feeling that clams would love to have, because, as we all know, clams love mud, unfortunately the Baudelaire orphans were not clams and couldn't enjoy the mud as the clams would have in their position. Every step they took fell with a gross squash and the mud began caking their shoes making them soggy and heavy. If you have ever stepped on soft ground and your foot became submerged in soft mud you already know how this feels. Just imagine doing it every step for slightly less then a mile. Your shoes would get very heavy after a while. And remember, Sunny had to crawl through it.

So, when I say that traveling down the road was slow for the Baudelaire orphans, I mean it with absolute sincerity because every third step they had to pause and dig one of their shoes out of the mud, put it back on, and continue their trek to the cottage. Only a deeply ingrained sense of social propriety kept the children from forgetting about the shoes and walking barefoot.

As they walked down the street and saw unfamiliar faces walk by them they couldn't help but think they were laughing at them. They didn't know what they were doing that was so amusing to these townspeople; but whatever it was, they seemed to be getting a good kick out of it – a phrase here which means "getting a good kick out of it."

It was because of this that when they finally arrived at the cottage Mr. Poe had directed them to, the orphans felt like a clam – but not at all like a happy one. When they knocked at the door it was answered by a lady wearing brown pants a forest green ranger's jacket – and by "ranger's jacket," I do not mean the sports teams – with the appropriate badge where most people usually put their badges. "You must be the Baudelaires," she greeted them warmly. She frowned looking Klaus and Violet over from head to mud encased foot, "Mr. Poe must have forgotten about the clogs, the townspeople must've thought it was hilarious. No one is really fond of tourists, you know. Oh well, just take your shoes off here and I'll pick some up for you next time I head to town." Then she looked over at Sunny and managed to stifle a laugh with maximum effort, "Oh my!" Where the two eldest Baudelaire orphans managed to escape with mud shoes, the youngest was subjected to becoming a mud monster.

She seemed nice, the Baudelaires decided as they took their shoes off right inside the door like she asked and looked around the house. "It's not much," their new caretaker said, "but it's home."

It certainly wasn't much indeed, not compared to the Baudelaire mansion or even Aunt Josephine's house, but it was cozy and warm and the Baudelaires felt like they would like it here – and they did too, while it lasted.

"Um," Violet finally worked up the nerve to speak, "Mr. Poe didn't tell us that much about you." Violet hinted oh-so-subtly.

Their new caretaker nodded and relieved the children of their belongings and started taking them into a small room not far from the front door, "Here is where you will be staying. I'm sorry it's not very big but I really only have this one room that's empty so I'm afraid you'll all have to sleep in the same room."

The children nodded – there was lot of nodding going on – and smiled at her, "Lately, we actually prefer sleeping in the same room." They didn't used to, but since their stay at Uncle Monty's they have taken solace in being in a group.

The women didn't seem at all convinced though and looked as if she felt bad for forcing the children to live in such cramped conditions, "Perhaps if it's nice out we could all go camping out in the Flannigan Forest together. The tent is easily big enough for all of us."

"Ma'am," Violet tried again, "we really don't know anything about you. And we should warn you about Count Olaf, he's been trying to get his hands on our fortune ever since our parents died."

The women smiled condescendingly at Violet, "Don't worry about that Mr. Olaf. Mr. Poe told me all about him and I have my fellow forest rangers keeping an eye out for him. If he comes within a five mile radius of this town I'll know about it."

Violet sighed, she was beginning to believe that Mr. Poe had no idea what Count Olaf looked like despite seeing him so many times, "He's always disguised too. He's not going to look like the description necessarily."

Their new caretaker smiled again, it was really quite patronizing, "Don't you worry about him, Violet. Rangers are trained to see through disguises."

Violet looked at Klaus and he just shook his head. Nothing he read about rangers said they were trained for that sort of thing. In fact, the only thing he knew about rangers was that they were trained to prevent and put out forest fires. This women was seriously underestimating the creativity of a villain bent on getting his hands on a fortune.

_

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_

_Author Notes: Keep reviewing! I'm trying to top my sisters. I don't think it's going to happen though; they cheat and do harry potter. You can find them writing as Dhrelva and Quilynn; they are both really good writers and I urge you to read their stories as well. This was not my best chapter, but do not fret; the next is one of my best, in my opinion._

_The next chapter makes the children meet a creature._

_Quickly quit reading now; prevent your seizure._


	4. Exploring

**Chapter 3: Exploring**

When someone says they are going to give you the "grand tour" you naturally assume they are going to take you on a complete tour of their house and show you every individual room. You also assume that taking such a tour will take more then the sum total of thirty-five seconds. Not so with their new caretaker.

"Allow me to give you the grand tour," their new caretaker said. "My lab is over there. My room is there. That is your room. The bathroom is down that hallway along with the library. The kitchen is down the other hallway and the backyard is out the door at the end of the hall," she said pointing in all the appropriate directions.

"Ma'am," Violet said, "what do you want us to call you?"

"Oh dear," she smiled, "you don't even know my name do you?"

The Baudelaires shook their heads.

"Well, my name is -" she started, then got cut off by the phone. "Hello? Yes. Okay. Where? I'll be right there." She looked at the children in embarrassment, "I'm sorry, I really have to go right now. There was a mange infested fox sighted about a mile from here which I've been trying to catch up to for over a week. I'll tell you what, I'll make it up to you and take you all out for dinner tonight." And as quick as that she was out the door before any of the children could get a word in edgewise.

"What was her name again?" Klaus asked.

"Dno," answered Sunny, which probably meant, "She didn't tell us."

"Well," Violet said with a smile, "lets explore!"

They all went different directions.

* * *

Klaus went to check out the library which looked like any other library. Books, shelves, the works. He quickly looked over the books and saw that most of them were about physical science and biology. "She must be some sort of - " Klaus said then looked behind him; no one was there. Where did they go? He could have sworn they were right behind him. 

He heard a scream and immediately went to go find its origin; it sounded like Sunny.

* * *

Violet went to check out the lab which looked like any other lab. Microscopes, test tubes, the works. She looked over some vials in one of the refrigerated containers in the back of the room and whispered the contents to herself, "Grimm River Sample, Mud Sample, Vial of Frog Delirium, Fox Blood." She stopped reading the vials' labels and said louder, "She must be some sort of - " and stopped; no one was there. Where did they go? She could have sworn they were right behind her. 

She heard a scream and immediately went to go find where it was coming from; it sounded like Sunny.

* * *

Sunny went to check out the kitchen which looked like any other kitchen. Counters, dishes, the works. She opened the refrigerator and saw various meats of all different kinds with different labels on them. Unfortunately, she couldn't read them. "Asiss-" she began then stopped when she looked behind her. She stared at it for several seconds then finally worked up the nerve to shriek, and did so. 

The other two Baudelaires came into the room with anxious faces and saw she was all right. Slowly, ever so slowly, they followed her gaze and when they landed on what she was looking at, they yelped.

It yelped back.

They jumped.

It jumped.

They stared.

It laughed.

The Baudelaires looked at each other with frightened faces, then once again slowly looked back.

It grinned wickedly.

When you are shocked into such a state of disrepair that the orphans were in at this moment, you might suffer from a palpable lack of intelligence. The orphans were no different. The stared dumbly at the creature that excited their senses and frightened them out of their wits while is grinned at them. It wasn't even as if it were scary looking or that it was going to attack them. It was more because they didn't know how it got there or what they should do. So, it is with this in mind that we should forgive Violet for stating the obvious, because I'm sure it felt like a sudden rush of inspiration to her at the moment, much like the feeling she gets every time she comes up with a brilliant invention. "It - it - it's a monkey."

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_Author Notes: All reviews are welcome! Good, bad, ugly; just as long as I get some sort of feedback. Please, _please_ review! This was also my favorite chapter so far._

_The next chapter brings back old enemies._

_So don't read on, I beg you, please._


	5. Dining Disaster

**Chapter 4: Dining Disaster**

Many people use the term "time flies when you're having fun." Of course, they don't mean it literally, they merely mean that when you're having fun, time simply seems to slip by at a quicker pace, even though it really doesn't. But, either way, "having a fun time" is a feeling the Baudelaires haven't been familiar with since their parents died in that horrible fire which set off these series of unfortunate events. Although, they did notice that time also flies when you're running out of time to come up with an idea in order to save one of their siblings, so they do know what time flying feels like.

Unfortunately, time wasn't flying as the three orphans stared at the face of a monkey about the same size as Sunny. No one wanted to make the first move, so they just stood there staring at each other; ready to jump at any sudden movements to capture or bite.

I, myself, cannot guess how long it was before the stalemate was ended; but all research points to eternity. In the end it took another variable to stop the stand-off. The catalyst was played by their new caretaker.

When she came across the room all eyes turned to her, she looked at the Baudelaires, then she looked at the monkey: she laughed. "I see you've met William Harrison." She gave a motion to the monkey and he leaped into her welcoming arms and grabbed a fistful of her red hair.

"William Harrison? You named your monkey William Harrison?" Klaus asked, remembering the man who most certainly was not a monkey. Meanwhile, he completely forgot to question the fact that she owned a monkey.

"Don't look at me," she said, "I didn't name him. That's my fellow rangers' fault. I just call him Willis for short."

"I see," Violet said then changed the subject, "You were about to introduce yourself before you left."

"Oh, right. My name is Blaine Allgood," she answered, "you can call me Aunt Blaine though."

"Wrk?" asked Sunny, which probably meant, "What do you do for a living?"; Violet translated for her.

"Well, as you know from my clothes, I'm a ranger, and I also handle some of the less technical environmental things that go around here. You know, run some pollution tests on the water and things like that."

An awkward silence passed as no one knew what to say next and Aunt Blaine looked at her watch, "Well, it's about time to head out for dinner, what do you say?"

The Baudelaires nodded, it was still early but they skipped lunch because they were to busy being frighted out of their wits by Willis. "Misses Allgood?" Klaus asked.

"Please, call me Aunt Blaine."

"Did you happen to get us those clogs while you were gone?"

"Yeah, I left them by the door where your shoes are."

So, with that, they left the house and walked down to town to get some dinner. They eventually agreed to eat at a small place named "The Very Friendly  
Diner" which Aunt Blaine said was one of her favorite places to eat.

"How many?" asked a pimpled male host when they got into the building. Aunt Blaine told him and he lead them to a booth.

Overall, the meal passed along uneventfully until they were leaving; they saw two familiar looking powdered faces dining in the booth right next to the door. The Baudelaire children tried to duck out quickly but it was far too late; they had made eye-contact. When the children were on the way back home, despite the fact they were out of eye-distance from the restaurant, they couldn't quite shake the feeling that they were being watched.

Aunt Blaine tried to start conversations several times while on their journey back to the house but eventually gave up; most likely sensing the tension on the orphans who figured it wouldn't have done any good to tell her what they saw. Adults never listened to them.

All night long they felt as if someone were just outside watching, staring, waiting for them to make a mistake. Klaus couldn't conjure up enough will to read the biology books. Violet couldn't quite make herself pay attention to the interesting tests Aunt Blaine was giving to the fox blood and even Sunny couldn't summon up the energy to bite with her normal ferocity.

Eventually, after what felt like hours of mindless wandering, they went to bed with a promise from Aunt Blaine that they'd have a better day tomorrow and "forget their worries." This worried the Baudelaire children. If they forgot their worries and let their guard down they couldn't help but feel that something bad would happen. But they understood what she was trying to say, but her optimism – a word here which means "foolishness" – didn't catch on with the Baudelaires.

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_Author Notes review and etc. You know the drill. No reviews means poor following chapters and slow writing. Feedback makes the unfortunate events worthwhile to sift through._

_Next the orphans deal with enduring  
a lady who endears the early morning._


	6. Mourning Morning

**Chapter 5: Mourning Morning**

It is an incredibly hard feat to get up in the morning after a long and sleepless night and the earlier one has to wake up the harder it is. Additionally, waking up in the morning before you _should_ be waking up in the morning tends to make people feel groggy and, at the very least, less then hospitable.

While in this state of grogginess — a word here which means "Zombie-like despair" — there is only one thing that can possibly make the morning worse for the unwary previous-sleeper: a morning person. I am sorry to break this to you, but Aunt Blaine was one of those horrible people.

"Wake up, children!" Aunt Blaine chimed as she nudged the two elder Baudelaires awake. "We've got a lot to do today."

Klaus groaned. Violet groaned. Sunny, who was not nudged by Aunt Blaine and awoke when her two siblings groaned, groaned.

"Come on guys, rouse yourselves!" Violet was far to tired to point out that two out of the three of them were not, in fact, guys. "I'm almost finished cooking breakfast. And right after breakfast we have to go down to the marshes and catch some frogs. It'll be fun!" she claimed, and with that said she cheerily left the room and hummed happily on her way to the kitchen; it was a sound the Baudelaire orphans found immensely unpleasant.

"Nopp," Sunny said which probably meant, "Fun doesn't exist in the morning."

The two eldest Baudelaire children quickly grunted their agreement.

"What time is it?" Violet asked while trying to open up her eyes which were disregarding her efforts.

Klaus, who was the closest to the window, squinted outside through half-sealed eyes, "It's not even light out."

"It will be soon!" Aunt Blaine called from the kitchen where she was busily cooking. "You know if we wait until afternoon the frogs will be hiding in the mud and we wouldn't be able to find any."

The Baudelaires were confused, tired, groggy, and dealing with a mad women talking about frogs for no reason whatsoever who seemed to think they knew things they did not. The Baudelaires collected this data and were forced to believe their day was not going to be one of their best — which weren't all that pleasant lately anyway. With this knowledge I suggest the faint of heart take this opportunity to stop reading this story and leave believing that the worst thing that happened to the unfortunate Baudelaires this day was that they woke up way too early in the morning – which was bad enough in itself – because, I'm afraid to say, it gets much worse.

With effort the Baudelaire orphans got themselves out of their comfortable, fluffy beds — at least the beds felt that way now that they were all but sleep-walking — into their daily attire, and all the way into their kitchen chairs where Aunt Blaine served them dinner with a giant smile on her face as if the only thing she ever dreamed of doing was waking up three unsuspecting orphans in the middle of a night to make them go on a hike with her into the unknown blackness which calls itself "the wilderness". This, of course, was an exaggeration. I have met Miss Allgood, and I assure you, she enjoys coffee slightly more then watching zombie-like orphans find their way to the breakfast table; but only slightly.

As they sat there eating their breakfast with as much enthusiasm as they could muster — they didn't want to seem ungrateful — the children were silent — a word here which means "staring at their plates awkwardly while waiting for someone to start a conversation". Aunt Blaine did the honors, "Why so glum children?" It was not a particularly good conversation starter, but it was a nice attempt.

The children had many things to be glum about but there was really only one thing they could think of at the moment, so they all answered at once, "Tired." Well, technically Sunny said "Drowwz," but that was because she liked that way of saying "I'm to tired to be anything but glum."

"Aw, I'm sorry children," Aunt Blaine claimed; she clearly wasn't at all sorry. In fact, she even had the audacity to look downright pleased. "If I had known you were late sleepers I would have told you last night."

The children had their doubts, they didn't think of themselves as "late sleepers" — a word here which means (according to Aunt Blaine), "someone who sleeps until the sun dawns". But the Baudelaires managed not to express these doubts without any trouble; they were far too tired to speak.

When Violet finally gathered her slowly moving thoughts and spoke, it was with a supreme effort of will, "What do you do for a living and where are we going so early?" The two other Baudelaires looked at her as if to say "How did you speak more then one syllable?" She just shrugged at them, which they interpreted as, "If I didn't say something she would've asked us another question like "Why are you so tired?" or something pointless like that."

"Oh," Aunt Blaine said, "I'm a forest ranger, as you can clearly tell. Also, I'm a environmental scientist."

"Is that why you have all those biology books?" Klaus asked, growing interested. A sure sign he was waking up.

"And the chemistry set?" Violet added in after him.

Sunny was about to say, "Gorriill?" but realized that it really didn't explain why she had a monkey. Crazy environmentalists.

"Yes, yes. That's why I have those things. And it's also the reason we are going to go frog hunting today," she said.

"What's so special about these frogs, Aunt Blaine?" Sunny asked, not wanting to seem quiet. Naturally, she actually said, "Ristik?" but Klaus translated for her so Aunt Blaine would understand the question.

"Well, when these frogs sweat — and they only do so when they are scared — they produce a powerful liquid which can kill you in large doses, but if you only have a little bit, it can relax your muscles and relieve your pain. What we do with the liquid is trap it in vials and send it to the hospital to use it with their patients. Of course, they use a diluted version of the liquid, just in case."

The Baudelaires, now thoroughly awake, smiled at their new caretaker. "What a nice thing to do for the local hospitals," all the Baudelaires most likely thought then, or "What a wonderful person" was also a possibility, and so was "I hope we get to know her better." Unfortunately for the Baudelaires, the last one was not meant to be.

So they all got up from the kitchen table and left the house to go into the depths of the Flannigan Forest carrying a shoe-box with air-holes punched into the top, flashlight-helmets, and a couple bottles of water. "Whoops," Aunt Blaine said as they were about to head on their way, "almost forgot something." So she went back inside and when she came back to the three children they saw she was wearing a long sword with a shiny blade, "Just in case," she said with a smile. The Baudelaires didn't ask why she might need this sword because there were some situations even their imaginations did not wish to imagine.

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_Author Notes: read and review as always, please. Seriously, please. More reviews means quicker writing. To a degree anyway, I do have to study for my classes._

_Next chapter I actually bring in a plot line! GASP __–__ technically it's the same plot line as the first 4 books which basically is getting away from Count Olaf, but yeah. The next chapter is also incredibly short compared to this one, it's kind of like give and take._

_**Amican: **rofl, you know me well enough "crazy environmentalists" was my own humor. And yes I have read _Eats Shoots Leaves. _Remember? I stole your copy which is currently far far away from me right now – me being in college and all. I think it's simply taking a while to sink into my head. Corrections you told me about are now made.  
_

_**Hobbiteyes and other readers who feel the same way:** if you're going to complain about my punctuation (and i don't blame you) please give me specific examples so I know what I'm doing wrong or so I can fix it for other readers. As for the descriptive writing part, I simply cannot allow myself to do that. The way I write tends to ignore descriptions unless they are actually relevant to the story line. For example, I COULD have described how the Baudelaires ate their breakfast: They were eating pancakes, Sunny ate all the edges first while Violet cut hers up into little parts before eating and Klaus simply swallowed his whole. I do not see how that helps the actual story. I also do not see how describing the utensils they ate with or the pots and pans which decorated the messy kitchen help the theme move along at all either. Sorry, but this is why I'm a Satirist and not a Novelist. Most things I say are geared toward humor or the actual story line. I do SOME descriptive writing though, I just limit it a great deal. I don't know about you but I am not a big fan of Balzac's _Pere Geriot _if only because the first 9 pages described the state of the apartment building they were living in._

_Here's your chance to stop reading before_  
_there's a real reason to mourn._  
_Next, woe arrives in the form_  
_of a malignant monster they scorn._


	7. Fun With Frogs

**Chapter 6: Fun with Frogs**

An instinct is something in which either an animal or human – although there really isn't much of a difference between the two – innately knows something. One specific instinct is called the survival instinct. This particular instinct tells the individual when to eat, how much to eat, and gives them quick reflexes (such as dodging a mass of boiling tar you might see dropping from the third floor of a hotel just in time) in order to keep themselves from getting hurt. The Baudelaires did not have any special senses that no one else had, but they could still feel their instincts kick in and tell them that something very bad was going to happen in the near future. This feeling of foreboding happens to everyone who is about to go through a great deal of danger; the only reason why the Baudelaires could feel it while others may not was because they had become far too familiar with it.

So, as they walked down to the marshes and followed Aunt Blaine as she marched through the forest without following even the slightest idea of a path, the Baudelaires began getting more and more tense as they continued on deeper into the frightening forest. The three of them concentrated hard as they walked through the woods at a gentle downward slope and tried to make out any sudden movements deep within the forest. It is because of this rapt concentration that they barely noticed it when Aunt Blaine came to a stop.

"Here we are!" Aunt Blaine said as she surveyed the area with her flashlight-helmet and the orphans continued on for a few steps before her words caught up to them. The Baudelaires also looked around and saw the murky water they almost accidentally stepped in because they weren't paying enough attention to their surroundings – at least the stationary environment.

"Froggles?" Sunny asked and Violet didn't have to translate; it was self explanatory – well, sort of.

"The frogs should be hiding next to the shore here, so try to be quite and wait for them to come to you," Aunt Blaine explained.

"Then what?" Klaus asked.

"You lunge, of course," Aunt Blaine laughed. "Don't be afraid to get wet."

There was a loud splash and the two older Baudelaires quickly jerked their heads to see what it came from – Sunny apparently was not afraid of getting wet. She sat in the muddy water with a colorful red and green frog in her mouth and wore a grin that all but shouted "I got one!" with so much pride it could even give Olaf's ego a run for its money – well maybe not that much pride.

Aunt Blaine gasped and quickly looked through her supplies and took out a bottle of water while Violet retrieved the frog from her sister and put it in one of the shoe-boxes they brought down. "Don't do that Sunny!" Aunt Blaine said sternly, "You could get yourself really sick. Here," she said holding the bottle out for Sunny, "take a sip of some water, swish it around for a bit, then spit it out. Do that a couple times and you should be fine for the most part. Just don't do it again. And if you start seeing weird things_ make sure you tell me_."

Sunny followed her orders as Klaus chased after more frogs with his older sister. They were having fun and Violet decided while tying her hair up with her ribbon to keep the hair out of her eyes as she chased the fast moving creatures. Involuntarily, the gears in her head starting moving and she consciously made them stop. She could have made an invention to catch the frogs easier, but what was the fun in that? Sometimes increasing efficiency isn't always the best thing to do.

When Sunny was finished swishing water, she joined her two siblings and all of them felt as if none of these series of unfortunate events mattered. It felt as if a giant weight was lifted off of them and they could feel young and happy again; for the first time in what felt like ages, the Baudelaires were enjoying themselves.

After a while of jumping about with beaming smiles and a lot of laughing together they had caught several colorful frogs which were placed into the shoe-boxes and were croaking loudly. The Baudelaires couldn't have been happier.

As they say, "all good things must come to an end" and, unfortunately, it proved true when they all heard loud footsteps and a low bass-pitched whistle – happiness was not an emotion the orphans would feel for a long time afterward and I can only hope they enjoyed it while it lasted.

They watched the place where they heard the whistle with rapt concentration then they heard the whistle from the other side of the murky waters, right near them. It slowly came into view, "Run children! Go back to the cottage!" Aunt Blaine screamed at them.

The monster was a big brown slimy creature with bright fiery eyes that shined in the darkness, giant jaws that bite and large taloned claws that catch. "What are you waiting for?" Aunt Blaine shouted at them as they hesitated. She unsheathed her blade and took a battle stance.

The three children stared in fright at the horrible creature, but not the one with fiery eyes, their eyes were still riveted on where the first whistle came from. Faintly, they could see the silhouette of a man wearing the rangers' hat, the silhouette of Count Olaf. There was no proof it was him, but their instincts didn't lie.

Violet was the first to move and yanked her two siblings into movement along with her, and they ran blindly into darkness away from Count Olaf, away from that horrible creature. And as they ran they heard a snicker-snack coming from Aunt Blaine's sword as she whipped her blade to and fro in order to defend herself from the disgusting beast – not Olaf; the other one.

* * *

_Author Notes: Please, PLEASE review! Sorry I had to end it on a cliff-hanger type thing but yeah, that's what i've noticed a lot of people with many reviews doing so I decided to give it a wing. And thanks for all those who do review. Tell me if you think I'm beginning to loose The Voice by the way, I think I need to refresh my Voice do to the fact I havn't read the books in a long time because my sister swiped them from me before I went off to college. _

_No cool poetry this time around._


	8. Forestry

**Chapter 7: Forestry**

Some people are born with an innate sense of direction and can find themselves out of a giant wilderness with nothing but the clothes on their back – the Baudelaires were not as fortunate as those people.

Violet ran blindly and saw nothing that looked familiar as she made her way up a steady incline with her siblings following her. She eventually slowly came to a stop when they got far enough from the marshes for her tastes – either that or because she realized she didn't know where she was going. "Where are we?" Violet asked as she looked around and saw nothing but wilderness.

"I thought you knew where you were going!" Klaus said, "You definably seemed to have a destination in mind."

"Uh-oh," Sunny said, which probably meant something like, "Uh-oh."

"Not me," Violet said, "I had no idea how we got there – or how we got here for that matter."

"Hold on," Klaus said, "Let me think."

"Olaf!" Sunny said, which probably meant, "We can't 'hold on' right now, we have to run away and find someplace safe to hide from Count Olaf."

"Sunny's right, we don't have time."

"Letting him catch up is better then running into him," Klaus argued sensibly and sat down on a patch of moss next to a nearby tree. "I just have to remember what that forestry book I read said about this kind of situation."

"Altimm," Sunny said, which probably meant something like, "Yeah, I'm sure this type of situation was in a book because I'm sure people get lost in the wilderness while they're being chased by an evil maniac who is after their fortune all the time."

Klaus looked at his sister and said something entirely unexpected, "You'd be surprised."  
Sunny was certainly surprised.

Violet gave up trying to push her brother onward **–** he was usually stubborn when he thought he was right. So she just sat down on the ground next to the tree across from him and leaned her head against it.

Sunny, seeing her sister give up, let loose a frustrated sigh in Klaus' direction and sat down next to her sister. Upon sitting down she sighed again, just for good measure and received no reaction from Klaus. She decided that wasn't good enough, so she sighed louder and won a Look. Happy with his discontent, she sat quietly – for the time being –and leaned her head against her sister in an attempt to get comfortable.

Seconds felt like minutes, minutes felt like hours, and hours felt like years as they sat there and waited for something to come along to strike them with inspiration or a new look on their situation. Fortunately, they waited no more then five minutes before sunlight started seeping through the leaves and lighting up the area.

Inspiration suddenly launched Klaus into the air and into a standing position. "That way," he spurted out and pointed up the hill.

"Why do you think that, Klaus?" Violet asked while getting up herself. She wasn't questioning her brother's intuition or anything, she just wanted to know just in case they were in that situation again sometime. And considering the way things had been going lately, it wasn't a bad idea to learn all the basic survival instincts they could come up with.

"It's not rocket science," her brother deftly recited the cliché, "the trees are sparser over there and it's only logical that the trees will thin out near the edge of the forest."  
"Ah," Violet intoned feeling stupid.

So they walked up the hill till the trees finally ended and found themselves at a road. "Which way now?" Violet wondered aloud, knowing full well that neither of her siblings knew the answer for themselves.

They were standing idly trying to come up with a good plan when a black car with a sputtering muffler came into view. The orphans tried to flag it down; they were ignored. "So much for that hope," Klaus said with disappointment.

"That way," Violet said and pointed the opposite way from where the car was heading. "I can only assume he was going to work and the closest possible town from here is Flannigan."

"If the closest town from here is Flannigan, shouldn't we be going the way he was heading?" Klaus asked.

"No, Flannigan is a _small_ town and doesn't have very many job opportunities. So, chances are he was on his way to the city in order to get to work."

"Oh," Klaus said catching he drift, "I get it now. You're brilliant!"

"You were brilliant for getting us out of the forest, though" Violet said modestly and felt much better for not being able to get them out of the forest herself.

"Lezgo!" Sunny said, which probably meant, "We have to get somewhere safer then this! In case you haven't noticed, Olaf is _still_ after us. You can get all sentimental later!" she said logically, although she was probably just jealous she hadn't done anything helpful yet.

Admitting she was right, the two elder Baudelaires quickly started heading up the road toward what could only be the way to their house.

After walking for what felt like a long time – my records tell me it was really only around twenty minutes – they found their way home and went inside where they were happily greeted by William Harrison.

"Hello, Willis," Klaus said as he picked him up and patted him on his head.

Willis could tell something was wrong with the three children as they held him and hugged him as if he just saved their lives from the most evil thing in the world. Willis became tense in Klaus' arms, jumped out and ran toward the back door in the kitchen where they should have entered. "OOK!" William Harrison shouted out the window.

The children had no idea what he was trying to say. "What are you talking about, Willis?" Violet asked as he kept on screeching.

He kept shouting though, useless as it was. So they came over and looked out the window to see what had sent Willis screaming in hysterics. Aunt Blaine was galumphing – a word here which means, "limping slowly in a great deal of pain" – up the hill while attempting to keep a good grip on the shoe-boxes with the frogs in them.

Klaus was the first one out the door to give Aunt Blaine his assistance.

* * *

_Author Notes: Please review as always. It warms up the cold mountain wind. I don't know how but it really does. The next chapter isn't quite done yet. Normal when I post it is but I've been really busy and its been a while since I last put a chapter up. A lot happens in the next chapter and I'm having some troubles keeping Willis and Sunny in the story. They like to drop out of sight every now and then so I'm trying to rectify that situation._

_ Also, if any of you believed I could write this story without saying anything close to "What'chyou talking about, Willis?" you were merely kidding yourselves. And chances are, it's going to happen again next chapter. Sorry but it's been a run on joke with my cousins (father's side) for the past couple years._

_ By the way flames are welcome, just try to make them constructive. Does anyone else think I say "He/She said" way too much for my own good?  
_

_Next, the Baudelaires' spirits are broke_  
_when a worry wort steals their last hope._


	9. Knock, Knock

**Chapter 8: Knock, Knock**

Back in the Age of Chivalry women were treated with respect – a phrase here which does not mean, "they were respected", merely that they were treated as if they were. In this age there were knights who would behave with good manners toward women and made sure they were quite happy and well treated. Since that age has come to pass the idea of chivalry was deemed "dead". Klaus was living proof this was not true.

Klaus was already out the back door before Violet and Sunny could even get over the shock of seeing their caretaker limping in pain on a leg sparsely peppered with blood. He had already taken the boxes from Aunt Blaine's arms and lent his body for her support before his sisters had even managed to get out the door to see what they could do to help. And by the time they reached Aunt Blaine, Klaus had her well taken care of, leaving them with absolutely nothing to offer her as help.

"Are you okay?" Violet asked the limping woman in terrible pain.

"Yeah, I'm all right," she lied through gritted teeth as she fought the urge to gasp at the surge of agony when she stepped lightly up the stairs on their way toward the back door.

"Is there anything we can get you?" Violet attempted to offer whatever help she could while feeling completely useless to everyone at the moment.

"No, no," she said as Klaus steered her into the doorway which opened up into the kitchen. Then something struck her as a good idea, "Actually, you may want to call the hospital and have them come down here. Just to pick up the vials of frog delirium we're going to make, of course."

"Uhmm . . . okay," Violet said, which probably meant, "You should just admit you're in pain and let us help you, but I'll play along for now." Sunny tried to translate for her but failed to get the point across for some reason.

"OOK!" Willis yelled at her. I'm guessing it meant something along the lines of, "Just let us help you!"

"Oh, Willis," Aunt Blaine looked at him with a tired expression, "What are you talking about? I'm perfectly fine."

"What happened Aunt Blaine?" Klaus asked as he helped their caretaker into a chair in her lab. "Did that creature bite you?"

She laughed, "What? No. Don't be ridiculous, those creatures are so scared of vorpal blades that a little boy could frighten one to death if he had one."

"Then what happened to your leg?" Klaus asked again, trying to figure out how serious her injury was.

"Well," she said looking a bit chagrined, "I kind of got distracted while walking back here and twisted my ankle."

"But your leg's bleeding," he pointed out.

"Yeah," she admitted, "fell on a branch. Kind of hit some bad luck today, I guess."

"Ya," Sunny said, which most likely meant, "Welcome to our world."

Violet entered in the room. "They said they were on their way, Aunt Blaine."

"Oh, dear," Aunt Blaine said. "Better get working quickly or they'll show up before we have any vials made for them. Klaus could you . . . "

**

* * *

**  
When the knock finally came at the door Aunt Blaine saw the Baudelaires jump in startlement and chided them for it, "Honestly children, it's just the door. I realize that seeing that slimy creature for the first time can be terrifying, but there is no reason to jump every time there's a sudden noise."

The Baudelaires did their best to look embarrassed but they were far too nervous to make it look realistic.

"Violet, would you get the door please? I'm kind of hampered at the moment," Aunt Blaine asked her and gestured toward her twisted ankle.

Violet slowly nodded and made her trek toward the front door. Inside her head, panic rose to extreme levels as one word repeated itself over and over: _Olaf._

She looked out the peep hole and saw . . . a stranger. Violet let out a relieved sigh and opened the door for him.

"Hello," he said, "You must be the child who called us, right?"

Violet nodded, only slightly upset at being called a child at age fourteen.

"Well, could I see your 'Aunt Blaine'?" he asked her and she got the idea that he was quoting her from the phone call.

Violet waved for him to follow and lead him to the lab where Aunt Blaine was just closing another vial.

Aunt Blaine smiled at the man, "Ah Julius, good to see you again."

He smiled back with a twinkle stirring in his eyes, "And as always, it's good to see you, too."

"I imagine you'll be wanting these," Aunt Blaine said sticking the just finished vial in a rack two-thirds full of vials just like that one. She picked up the entire rack and carefully handed it to him.

He took it gratefully and looked over at Aunt Blaine, "Is something wrong with your leg?" He could see the dried blood on it naturally assumed it was far worse then it actually was.

"No, no," Aunt Blaine shrugged off his sympathy, "I just tripped in the forest."

"You should come with me and have the doctors give a look at it just in case. I've seen people break their arms from less, you know."

"Yeah," she said with a smile, "but those people are senior citizens with brittle bones. I like to believe I'm still perfectly healthy."

"Besides," he said, "It'll be about time the hospital repaid you for your kindness."

She frowned, but after looking into his pleading face she finally sighed, "Fine, if it eases your mind I'll go with you." She looked over at the three orphans and said, "You three can fend for yourselves for an hour or two, right?" she asked and started out before they had a chance to give an answer.

So they made their way out of the cottage and Aunt Blaine seemed to be limping considerably less then she did when she first got there – it was pretty much already fine to walk on. The children got the distinct impression that what limp there was in her gait was more of an act then anything else.

They walked out of the door together and the the door shut behind them with a click from the lock. The Baudelaire orphans suddenly realized something moments after the door shut; they were alone. Alone with Count Olaf somewhere close by. The children huddled together and William Harrison came over to help comfort the frightened orphans.

Two minutes later – just when they were beginning to believe they were being silly for acting so scared – there was a knock at the back door.

* * *

_Author Notes: Please review and whatnot, do not be afraid to chide me for my grammer mistakes and bad wordings. Feel free to correct me, it's the only way I'll get better, y'know. Well, I'll get the next chapter out sooner or later; most likely sooner then later though (spring break tends to give me a lot of extra free time)._

_ Next, the Baudelaires will have no more time to frollic  
because the man behind the door sends them into panic.  
Will Violet find a way out of the situation  
with an excellent and well-thought solution? _


	10. Panic

**Chapter 9: Panic**

There are several different kinds of knocks one can use to inform the other side that their is someone at the door. One of these types is referred to as "Knocking with Authority" where you knock loudly and proudly with the expectation of being immediately answered by someone answering the door, and should they fail to answer, they will pay for their hesitation. It is with this boldfaced authority that the person knocked at the Baudelaire's back door.

"Who do you think it is?" Violet asked her siblings while trying not to let her voice quiver.

"Who do _you_ think it is?" Klaus countered with an extremely original question because he simply didn't want to answer hers.

"I don't want to think about who I think it is."

"Neither do I," Klaus agreed.

"Aye," Sunny agreed whole-heartedly from her position at Violet's knee.

The knock repeated itself with even more authority – and perhaps a pinch of anger – in three short pounds; each one making the door rattle in its hinges.

"There's only one way to find out for sure," Violet said ominously but didn't offer herself to actually take part in the finding out.

"How about we all go together?" suggested Klaus, and they all – very slowly – made their way to the back door where the knocker was becoming more and more agitated with impatience.

Violet did the honors of looking out the peep hole: she screamed. It is one thing to know who it is, but it is completely different to actually be faced with the evil villain face to face. As the phrase goes, "Ignorance is bliss," or perhaps the often recurring, "Knowing there is someone bad behind the door but not actually being completely certain is a lot better then looking through the peep hole and finding out there is, in fact, a notorious villain standing not-so-demurely on your back porch demanding entrance."

With one look at Violet, her siblings knew who it was. Given, they knew who it was anyway, but now it was a fact and resting heavily on their shoulders.  
They heard the door shudder as Olaf gave up knocking and started ramming into it with his body in order to force it open; it was clear they weren't going to be fooled by his disguise enough to open it.

"_What do we do? What do we do?_" Violet shrieked as she heard the door crack as he ran into it again.

"Think!" Klaus shouted back – in order to be heard over the noise – helpfully.

She pulled her ribbon out, tied her hair up so it wouldn't get in her eyes and attempted it. A moment later she hugging her own head to drown out the racket but that didn't seem to be enough because she shouted to her brother, "Not working! Too loud!"

Immediately after she said that the door stopped making noise. "Ah, that's better," she said and thought furiously about what they should do along with her siblings.  
That was until the door burst open wide as Olaf's henchman, the individual who looked like neither a man nor a woman, burst through the door and let it slam into the wall on the other side.

"Run!" Violet yelled and did so, closely followed by both her siblings and Willis who was keeping unusually quiet through the terrible events. As they ran the man who looked like neither a man nor a woman was pushed to the side by Olaf who sprinted after them.

They ran for their lives – quite literally, I'm sorry to say – and threw things down behind them in order to impede Olaf's progress as he made chase. A lamp there, a vase here, and after a lot of breaking and shattering they found themselves locked – but not at all safely – in their own room while trying to gain themselves some valuable time to think of an idea.

Violet quickly wedged a chair underneath the doorknob as extra support against the siege on their door. It wasn't exactly an invention but it did help hold off the bombardment for the time being.

Violet panicked again, and therefore also shouted her increasingly favorite phrase to say while in this kind of desperation, "_What do we do? What do we do?_" The question was most likely directed to Klaus, or at least _at_ him, considering she was squeezing both his arms so hard they cut off his circulation. He could see her brow bead with sweat and feel the spit as it flew out of her mouth when she screamed.

"I don't know!" he gave his increasingly hated answer again and shook off her attack on his circulatory system. She gave the room a slapdash examination trying to make connections to things she could make that might plausibly help.

She looked at Sunny and saw her frightened face, she looked at Klaus and saw him look at her hopefully, she looked at Willis who just sat there wondering what the heck was going on. She looked at Sunny again. She looked at Willis again. The two younger orphans could see an idea bloom in her head.

Sunny watched her look at her, at Willis, then back at her. "Ohno!" she told her, which probably meant, "That'll never work! I wont agree to that! You'll never make me do it! They'll never be fooled by it!"

"It has to. They have to," Violet said and hurried over to Sunny's chest of clothes and pulled some out. Quickly she and Klaus grabbed Willis and dressed him up in Sunny's clothes. A process which Willis accepted passively as if he wanted to help the Baudelaire orphans get away from Olaf.

They looked at their creation. "Perfect," Violet said.

"Lhys!" Sunny exclaimed, which probably meant something along the lines of, "What are you talking about, he looks nothing like me!"

"Sure he does, Sunny. Look, he even has your teeth," Klaus pointed out and Willis grinned to prove he had them.

Sunny looked at Willis and seemed extremely frustrated by this, "Nyah!" she screeched, which can be translated into, "I am highly offended by this."

"I'm sorry Sunny, but it's the only thing I can think of at the moment," Violet apologized as she steered Sunny toward her clothes chest. "Hide in here until Olaf takes us away and go get some help from the town."

Sunny followed her directions, albeit unwillingly, and no sooner had they lowered the lid so no one could see her then Olaf's henchman came bursting through the door, sending the chair tumbling into Klaus.

The Baudelaires' adversaries rushed into the room and apprehended the two elder Baudelaire orphans and the Sunny-monkey before Klaus even had a chance to say "ouch".

The fat person of unknown gender held both Klaus and Violet easily as they fought against his hold in hopes of somehow escaping. Olaf had "Sunny" in his clutches and was cackling maniacally in his triumph.

"OOK!" Willis shouted protest to Olaf's treatment and attempted to bite him; unfortunately, he was thwarted in this attempt when Olaf maneuvered the monkey's mouth so it couldn't reach any part of his skin.

"OOK!" Olaf screeched back at the monkey-Sunny mockingly.

"Hey, Boss," the fat person said pointing out the window, "someone is headed this way." And it is here where I feel I must urge you to stop reading the story because it only becomes worse and worse as time continues on. There is no happy ending to this story and I beg you to please, _please_ stop reading now and keep yourself from reading something terribly unpleasant.

Olaf went over to check it out himself and leaned toward the window using the clothes chest as support, which closed with a _click, _and looked out to find a man tottering down the street while attempting to keep his feet as clean as possibly but failing miserably. "It's that fool Mr. Poe," he said in contempt. "Come on, lets go to that place we found out in the woods."

His henchman nodded – as if he had a choice – and followed after him dragging the Baudelaires along with them. The faces of the two elder Baudelaires were panic stricken whereas before they were merely frightened: the real Sunny was locked in the clothes chest.

* * *

_Author Notes:_ _Please, Please review. It makes me feel like doing alll this work is actually worth it instead of a waste of time._

_Sorry, once again there is no poetry  
because I'm greatly lacking in creativity. _


	11. Good Vibrations?

**Chapter 10: Good Vibrations?**

_Click_, she heard the clothes chest lock and close and only managed not to panic and draw Olaf's attention through a supreme effort of will; but perhaps it'll be this will and determination that'll end up killing her in the long run, or perhaps, situation considered, the short run.

Of all the things that can be claimed as dead, the thing which is most often proclaimed to be so is the doornail. This is because it is clear that out of all the inanimate objects in the world, the _most_ inanimate is the doornail. Not only does is just sit demurely on the door, but every now and then someone comes around and bangs it against the wood until it has been knocked lifeless once again. Right now, I'm sorry to say, Sunny was feeling as if in a few short hours, that she too would be dead, much like that poor over-struck doornail.

She strained her ears and attempted to listened through the steel encasement half-full with her own laundry. Her attempts were futile though because as much as she concentrated the only thing audible to her ears were the faint mumblings of people beyond her cage which only told her that they were still in the room.

As people moved around and things were said she noticed should could feel the vibrations of their feet through the floor far easier then she could hear their conversation through the steel chest and decided to pay more attention to their footsteps. As she listened images swirled in her mind about how the scene was playing out beyond, the loudest step was most likely the big man who looked like neither a man nor a woman, the self-assured brisk step was certainly Olaf's, the other two scraping steps, which told her they were sliding across the floor instead of walking, were most likely her siblings. Whatever was going on out there it sounded like it was probably painful. Sunny had the urge to make some noise so Olaf would find her and she could join her siblings, but shook herself off in time; it was no use to be in their horrid position as well. If she was, she couldn't help them later.

The vibrations changed and were slowly moving away and leaving the vicinity. She payed careful attention for a long time, just sitting there and concentrating on the vibrations through the floor; nothing, she felt nothing. They must have gone. Now she could panic without worry, and did so.

It is times like these where a superhero would summon up all his strength and use it to burst out of the trap or shackles or whatever other predicament they found themselves in and get away to defeat their enemy another day. Unfortunately for Sunny, she was not a superhero; she was an infant and had very little strength. What she did have was teeth; strong, yes; razor sharp, yes; useful in this situation, I'm sorry to say, no.

She tried to bite through the locking mechanism and free the hood from its restraint to no avail, it was simply too thick. She tried to gnaw through the metal walls of the chest but simply couldn't get a good enough angle in order to sink her pearly whites into it. Her teeth were useless in this situation.

She tried to bend the sides; dent it; anything. But with what little strength she had and her weak hands she only managed to hurt herself. Not only that, but while she was exerting all her energy she was beginning to get short of breath and the clothing covering her was getting sticky as she began to sweat. Inside the chest was quickly becoming a furnace and leaving her short of breath.

She gave up for the time being and relaxed her tired muscles and attempted to think of something to get her out of this situation. _What would Violet do?_ she asked herself.

After a moment of vigorous thought no ideas came to her, but what _did_ come to her was the vibrations of someone walking through the empty – a word here which means, "should have been empty, but now wasn't" – house.

She contemplated the situation for a moment. If it was Olaf she'd be captured and their plan would be foiled, while at the same time, if she couldn't get out their plan wouldn't work anyway. There was nothing at all of any practical use in the chest along with her so there was really only one logical choice: she made as much noise as she could and hoped whoever opened it for her wasn't Olaf.

The rumbling footsteps came toward her, attracted to the noise and it shouted something unintelligible to her and tried to open up the chest. It didn't budge.

"The key is on the dresser!" Sunny shouted out to whoever it was – a phrase here which means Sunny didn't shout "The key is on the dresser!", but rather "Drasaur!" – the person apparently didn't understand what she said and walked around aimlessly for a little bit before he or she finally found his or her way to the area where the dresser was and stopped for a moment – presumably to pick up the key – and walked back over to the chest.

There was a _clink_ when the person inserted the object into the chest and another one when he or she twisted it in the latch. Before it opened Sunny sent up a prayer that those footsteps were good vibrations.

* * *

Where some people may blither and smatter in such a situation, Violet and Klaus responded with a placid acceptance as they were lead unceremoniously – a word here which means that they are not practicing any ancient traditions at the time – into the woods. Each step they took fell with a squish in the mud and the children quickly felt their feet grow heavy as all the mud in the path attempted to make their feet a means of transportation to somewhere more interesting. 

By the time the two captors reached their destination the two elder Baudelaires were exhausted and far too lethargic to even think of making a quick getaway. Besides which, even if they did manage to escape from the big person's hands, they were far too disoriented in their surroundings to be sure that they could (a) find their way out of the forest and (b) get back to the house where their sister was stuck in the clothes chest.

They were at a clearing which made the Baudelaires' eyes pop out of their heads – a phrase here which isn't followed by "so they had to kneel in the mud in order to recover their lost eyeballs," because this phrase is merely used to describe the children's surprise and disbelief at what they saw.

If you have ever seen one of the great relics of the old world then you probably already experienced what the Baudelaires were going through when they looked upon what appeared to be a temple. It was large, not the Roman Coliseum big, but still rather large for a temple, and it also appeared to be made out of the same material as the Coliseum. Meeting their eyes as they looked at the building were two great gargoyles with bejeweled red ruby eyes as they loomed over the rectangular double doors that could only be the entrance to the sacred building.

It was not the type of display that would intrigue visitors enough to coax them inside; it was more of a warning to the unwary passer-by that, if they entered it, bad things would undoubtedly happen. Even Olaf gave the menacing creatures some respect, considering they both still had their ruby eyes.

They were herded into the building by Olaf and his henchman and willingly filled their eyes with its splendor. The room was drab, filled with dirt and leaves from the surrounding wilderness that had sneaked into the room through the windows which lacked coverings, but despite that, the room emanated with holy serenity which was probably strengthened by old chipped statues which looked like they were once beautiful works of art; it was definitely a temple.

Olaf took out a rope from a bag laying somewhere near what it appeared was supposed to be an altar and tied Willis-Sunny up so that the monkey would be completely incapable of moving and told the man with no discernible gender to keep a close eye on Violet and Klaus while he went somewhere.

Violet and Klaus shivered with apprehension. Did he know that Willis wasn't the real Sunny? Did he realize she was still back in the house? Was he going back to get her? These are questions I highly urge you not to find the answer to and to just stop reading now, but if you truly wish put yourself through the kind of agony that only knowledge can bring you, then flip the page and find out.

* * *

_ Author Notes: Review please. Don't make me beg, I dislike begging.  
_


	12. Goblins

**Chapter 11: Goblins**

There are many dangerous things in this world, so many, in fact, that it is nearly impossibly for most people to come into contact with all of them – I say most because I myself have faced 93 per cent of all the world's known dangers except those in Brazil including, but not limited to, wild anacondas, jaguars, and Brazilians. But never – until recently due to research – have I ever come into the most prevalent danger known to mankind: drugs. I am sorry to say, Sunny was going through a terrible experience which I had never before been forced to endure in my own flight for life.

The Vials of Frog Delirium hold many unique characteristics but it also carries one distinct connection with other drugs; it takes a while to kick in. I am sure that you don't need me to tell you what happened as the individual opened the chest hood to reveal a sweating Sunny panting under several layers of her own clothing but I will anyway because some people are slower then others – a phrase here which means, "some people are teachers". Sunny's accidental intake of the Frog Delirium earlier that day kicked in and quite miraculously.

Sunny's hood lifted to reveal her savior who appeared to be none of then Mr. Poe who, for some inexplicable reason, had donned himself in white face paint and bright red clothes along with shoes too ridiculously big to possibly fit him. Mr. Poe appeared to have become a clown of sorts. This frightened Sunny to gibbering protests as he leaned over to pick her up.

It should probably be noted at this point that one of the chief side effects of the Vials of Frog Delirium are hallucinations – a word here which means "seeing Mr. Poe dressed up as a clown when he was actually dressed up like any normal banker" – and a feeling of certainty that you know what you are doing even if you have no idea.

So, Mr. Poe picked up the frightened Sunny who was flailing in an attempt to get out of his arms. It was not specifically that she was afraid of clowns or anything because that would have been an irrational fear, she was scared because Mr. Poe clearly had gone insane and decided to run off with the circus.

Mr. Poe muttered something inconsequential in an attempt to calm Sunny down to no avail. Sunny twisted and bit down on Mr. Poe's hand who immediately dropped her in shock – a word which I would use to describe my exact feelings when I figured this fact out myself; Sunny was an _infant_ – and she quickly crawled at speeds which could have won her an award for Fastest Crawl Ever.

"Sibs!" she screamed over her shoulder to the clown and kept going full speed ahead. After much work at translating that word I have finally come to an understanding that it is far more complicated then all of her other weird phrases, this one means "I have to go save my siblings from Count Olaf because you are too busy looking like a clown to be much of any help, but if you really want to you can follow me anyway and perhaps you'll be able to do something useful unlike you normally do; it is really annoying having you around only to make a folly of everything and get everything completely wrong in the end." It is a lot for one sentence, I know, and their old Aunt Josephine would have had a fit at seeing that sentence, but that wasn't all it meant, I also believe it was a play at words because "Sibs!" also means "It's about time your looks mirror your intelligence level!"

When she reached the back door, she paused, and looked out at what greeted her eyesight in hopes of (a) finding a way to track where the elder Baudelaires were taken to and (b) not seeing any goblins. Unfortunately, one of these was not awarded to her.

She looked down to find goblins, she looked out into the woods to find goblins, and she looked behind her to see a clown chasing after her. She was off to the races once again.

"That way miss Baudelaire!" said one brown goblin who was previously pretending to be a pine cone while pointing in the appropriate direction. "You can see their foot prints in the mud without a problem." Sunny looked too closely at what he was pointing out and found the mud was made up of hundreds of tiny goblins, all grinning with more then a touch of madness. Perhaps, in retrospect, the feeling of certainty probably comes from the fact that the goblins tell you what to do. Such that even though Sunny had no idea how to track peoples footprints, she did so with utmost skill and with a pure sharp-edged confidence.

She at once crawled along on her way, much to the despair of many goblins crying out in agony as she squished them into a pulp. This was going to be a very long crawl.

* * *

Violet looked at Klaus, Klaus looked at Violet. They were both afraid and who can blame them? Not only did they believe that Olaf just went off to capture their sister but they were being held hostage themselves by an angry person who weighed too much for his own good and had the inherent looks of a villain – a phrase here which means "ugly" or "scary", for if a villain has neither of these qualities he would not be taken seriously and no one would actually be afraid of him. Without fear, a villain is worthless. 

People – namely the Baudelaire orphans – were afraid of Count Olaf because he also had the trait of looking frightening even when he was gibbering with joy – although, I must admit, this is usually because he only gibbers with said joy when he has the poor unfortunate orphans in his power. Olaf, I'm afraid to say, was gibbering in joy when he arrived back from wherever it was he went off to. Making a quiet entrance was beyong Olaf who simply _had _to fling the double doors open – making a loud sudden screeching noise from the hinges – and walk in with a flair.

As said, villains appear to be scary because it is in their nature to _be_ scary. Not wanting to diminish their representation, they also choose frighting-looking props to carry around to threaten their captives, hostages, or rivals with. Olaf's props were particularly scary looking, he had what appeared to be a long coil of frayed rope and a rusty old dagger that was probably left out in the rain too many – approximately 30 billion too many – times.

Olaf grinned at the children in such delight that the children quivered under his intense joy. Making people happy is usually something good people aspire to, but this wasn't exactly what the Baudelaires conceived as an appropriate subject to make happy, nor were they quite pleased about what they were going through to make him happy.

He took the rope and used the rusty dagger to cut it in half and the Baudelaires watched aptly as Olaf wound the rope into a slip knot and hung it off the arm of one of the tallest statues in the room. The Baudelaires dreaded what that was going to be used for.

He took the other piece and cut it into fourths and managed to secure them to each of the four corners of the altar using small holes, conveniently rope size as if they were built for such an occasion and left the other end of each rope leading in toward the middle.

"It has come to my attention," Olaf said fastening the final rope down, "that the law states only one of you has to be alive to receive the ransom money. I figure that, Sunny still being young, could grow to accept being my little protégé until she dies unexpectedly when she turns 18 years old and leaves all the money for _me_ to inherit. Nice little girl aren't you, Sunny?"

"OOK!" Willis belted in belief that it was the appropriate time to shout something that sounded indignant.

"And well," continued Olaf ignoring the interruption, "I figured since we were in a temple we could perform a religious sacrifice, so to say." Cue manic grin.

"So uh," Olaf said after a brief pause to watch his grin take effect, "Why don't you tie up Klaus and I'll get Violet all nice and set up for the festivities," Olaf told the individual who looked like neither a man nor a woman.

So they did. Klaus struggled mightily to this treatment and almost broke free from the fat person but his efforts ended up useless because he still wound up tied securely to the altar with the rope cutting off some of his circulation.

Violet suffered the same fate being dragged over to where the noose was held up and was stood up on a small section of a water-logged tree-trunk then had the rope pulled over head and pulled tight enough that she could feel the bristles scratch her neck all the way around. Violet felt the log under her wobble precariously.

Willis, in the mean time, managed to scramble into a good enough position to get his teeth into the rope and start gnawing on his restraints.

It was then, with the elder Baudelaire children securely locked and restrained that a shadowy figure appeared in the entrance of the door.

* * *

_Author Notes: Two more chapters remain and this one was my longest chapter yet (1600 words!). Please review! It makes all this writing worthwhile._

_What kind of help will Mr. Poe lend?  
Will the Baudelaires be rended before the end?_


	13. Religious Sacrifices

**Chapter 12: Religious Sacrifices**

There are many words one could use to describe Count Olaf – although most of them are too crude to say here – among them are evil, greedy, scary-looking, devious, standoffish, – at least according to Olaf – and down-right mean. Not among those words when Olaf saw the figure enter into the Temple was happy – unless of course one said "not-happy," then it would be in it. But, when Olaf noticed it was Mr. Poe the Baudelaires saw his eyes grow shiny – he was clearly up to something.

Violet tried to shout to Mr. Poe but the words were lost as she almost lost her balance and came to an untimely end, which would have been rather ironic to have died just as help walked in the front door.

Klaus would've called to Mr. Poe if his neck muscles weren't too tight to get very much sound out of them due to him straining his neck in order to see over his stomach to get a good look at the new arrival.

Sunny would've shouted something from her discrete hiding place behind a plumed statue of a serpent in the corner of the room, that she sneaked into only moments before Mr. Poe arrived at the entrance, but she knew the clown wouldn't be of much help even if she did. Clowns were never any help.

"Hello, hello," Count Olaf called to Mr. Poe who was still ambling at the entrance trying to figure out what was going on, "You're just in time for the ceremony."

"I-I'm sorry?" said Mr. Poe as Olaf lead him into the the room and toward a comfortable window ledge near Violet, who was tottering precariously on the log. "The what?"

"The ceremony, of course!" Olaf beamed a grin at him as he wrapped his arm around Mr. Poe's shoulders and gestured around the room to show off the Temple's extravagance, as if that helped explain what he was talking about. "My name is Pastor Artemis and today we're celebrating the God Huitzilopochtli's self-sacrifice with the usual rite of blood sacrifice as repayment for his Gift and to help sustain him for another day and thus keep us alive a little bit longer before doomsday comes along."

"If you're a pastor," began Mr. Poe as 'Artemis' sat him down on the ledge, "Why are you wearing a ranger's uniform?"

"Well, Mr. – uh?" Olaf began, then inquired Mr. Poe's name with a quirk of his eyebrow.

"Poe," he supplied.

"Well, Mr. Poe, I can see by you're suit that you and I are both working men and as working men, we know we can't make a living by doing what we want to do, we have to take other jobs to support our hobbies. Isn't that right, Mr. Poe?"

"Yes, well, I suppose," answered Mr. Poe in an attempt to follow Olaf's flawed logic to no avail.

"So, that's why I'm a ranger, as well," Olaf said and grinned a triumphant smile at Violet, whose face dropped from the initial hope of Mr. Poe actually helping them get out of this situation. Olaf won the battle of wits – a phrase here which means, "Poe is a fool," and by sheer coincidence, still looked as such to Sunny who was contemplating what she could possibly do in order to help her elder siblings escape from the red-faced demon with the forked-tail that was Olaf.

"Mr. Poe," Klaus called from his position on the altar after he gave up attempting to see him, "It's Olaf! He's going to kill us!"

Olaf pretended to be confused, "Who is this Olaf? I wont let him touch you!" Stupidity worked surprisingly well for him.

"Count Olaf is one of the children's ex-guardians and they seem to think he follows them everywhere," Mr. Poe calmly explained – a phrase here which means he didn't realize that every time the children said he was there, that he _was_ actually there.

"He _does_ follow us everywhere!" Klaus shouted in frustration. "'Artemis' _is_ Olaf."

"Klaus, don't be ridiculous," Mr. Poe said.

"This is an Aztec ceremony! We're going to be human sacrifices!" Klaus yelled in an attempt to get Mr. Poe to see some sense – a word here which Mr. Poe seems to believe is an illusion and will have no dealings with it.

"Klaus!" Mr. Poe said, "Take that back right now, that's religious prejudice. I thought better of you Klaus, of all people."

"Honestly!" Olaf said, doing his best to look offended, "I get so much heat for believing in the Aztec traditions and all people can think of is, 'Oh my God, he's going to perform human sacrifices.' Not all Aztec's believe in human sacrifice you know, Klaus. There are other ways."

"Really, Klaus," chided Mr. Poe, "I will not hear another thing said against this poor pastor's religion."

"But, Mr. Poe! Human sacrifice is the _basis_ of the Aztec religion!" Klaus said but it was a wasted effort because Mr. Poe just went into a coughing fit and couldn't hear any of it.

"I didn't hear what you said Klaus, but it doesn't matter. I'll hear no more of this cultural disrespect of yours. You need to learn some toleration," lectured Mr. Poe.

Being lectured never feels good when you are the one being lectured to as Klaus knows well, but nothing is worse than being blamed for something you didn't do for reasons of their own ignorance. Klaus sucked in his breath and was about to say something, but instead held his tongue. No need to waste the energy; it's not like Mr. Poe would understand the basic concepts of the Aztec religion if he heard it anyway.

Olaf began the incredibly short ceremony with a prayer to the Aztec God, "Huitzilopochtli, God of war, we give you this sacrifice as an aid to the rising of the sun." Olaf wielded his rusty knife – which he had never let go of – and raised it to the heavens over Klaus' squirming body where it caught a glint of the sun which was pouring in from the ceiling.

Klaus was candy. At least, Olaf thought Klaus was candy, but that was before another person entered into the Temple, Sunny jumped out of her hiding place in an attempt to rescue her siblings and Willis escaped his cocoon of ropes.

* * *

Author Notes: Shorter then usual but I wanted to get this finished and their wasn't much that was going to happen in this chapter. Next chapter though, next chapter is a dousie. It will not be out until after May 12th for reasons of my intese studing for Calculus 2 and Geology. I hate Isaac Newton. 

If you care at all, all my information on the Aztec religion was found a and some site called Encyclopedia Mythica. Valid: Huitzilopochtli is the God of War. Invalid: my means of sacrificing the victims may be wrong, but i knew they were going to die this way before I read about Aztec religions. Just so you know, the only God I found that specifically accepted hanged sacrifices was Esus, a Celtic God. Artimis is a greek god that asked Agemmemnon to sacrifice his daughter to him but (according some stories) accepted a deer in her stead. I wouldn't have accepted that deer. I hope one of my classes has a random pop quiz on Aztecs now.


	14. A Most Unfortunate Ending

**Chapter 13: A Most Unfortunate Ending**

The feeling of helplessness is one of the most frustrating and horrible emotions one can possibly undergo. It's one of the severest forms of depression at its worst with no means of righting it and setting yourself back on the right track, because, in the end, you can do absolutely nothing about it. You are helpless--hence why you feel that way. All you can do is wait it out, hoping that it will fix itself as you stand back and watch the nightmare unfold. Violet, unfortunately, had a large dose of it that day as she watched the frantic fighting frenzy foiling Olaf's scheme. She was useless, the brightest inventor of her age and all she could do was suffer in immobility on top of her wobbly wooden stool as her rope necklace chafed her neck.

She saw Misses Allgood enter the room causing a slight hesitation in Olaf's strike. Willis took full advantage of it, hurling himself across the room and over any debris that might have been in the way of a mere human being. Olaf's reaction time didn't have a chance to consider the implications of the flailing monkey's fists as he landed on Olaf's chest, disarming him.

Blaine was lending her assistance to her feeble monkey companion in moments, just as Olaf was beginning to overcome his initial surprise.

Violet watched on...

Sunny crawled toward Klaus and bit off his restraints in a matter of moments.

"Kick the log out from under the girl!" Olaf cried to his henchman--who until then stood stock-still in stiff shock--and put him into motion. Henchman these days are no longer of the quality they used to be.

Klaus rolled off the altar and was in motion toward his elder sibling. The race was on!

Mr. Poe stared as the events transpired, amazed at the complexity of the ceremony. It seemed as if everyone had their own parts to play. He just wished he was on time so he could join in--although, he knew he wasn't as good an actor as they seemed to be. Violet appeared to be genuinely scared that she would die. He wished he knew her trick.

Sunny located the dropped knife and hurled it at the rope holding Violet--it landed several feet in front of her. Honestly, what did you think? Sunny is an _infant_, not William Turner. She's lucky enough to posses the mechanical abilities to pick it up, let alone toss it several feet.

Violet watched on...

The scuffle continued between Blaine and Olaf, each dealing their own blows to the other. Willis rolled off to the side and when Sunny tossed the knife he was there to scoop it up and climbed on top of Violet, reaching her summit as the enlarged individual of no distinguishable gender kicked the log out from under her.

_Slice._ Violet and Willis fell to the ground with a thud after the dear, dear monkey cut the rope just in time.

Mr. Poe gaped; they were amazing actors.

Violet swiftly ducked her head out of the noose as the obese individual tugged on the severed string. Violet felt the nylon pull out of her hands and hit her nose on the way by. Yet another close call.

"OOF!" The sound resounded through the clatter catching everyones attentions as Olaf managed to kick Blaine in the gut, stunning her. She fell back against the altar gasping for air.

"Sorry," he apologized while side-stepping toward the back door with his obese henchman, "I can't stay and chat." Blaine stood up threateningly, although still short of air. They fled.

There was a short pause as everyone regained their composure, the Baudelaires had survived yet again. The silence was eventually filled by Mr. Poe's jubilant applause. "Good show! Good show! That was some of the best action I've ever seen! Misses Allgood, you made each of his blows look so _real_. And Violet, my god, you actually looked scared! Wow, just a excellent performance all around, you should be professionals."

Klaus was confident Mr. Poe had absolutely no idea what an "Aztec religion" was.

"That was Olaf!" Violet told him.

"He tried to kill us!" Klaus added.

"Count Olaf? Well, what would he possibly being doing here? You children are jumping at boogymen again. That was merely a nice ranger with a certain fondness for the Aztec religion."

"He was no ranger." This from the actual ranger.

"Now, now. Don't denounce your comrade for liking the Aztecs, I really can't blame him after seeing this ceremony." Here Poe paused to cough into a bloody handkerchief, when he was done he continued, "It was really exciting!"

They all glared at him in general discontent; Mr. Poe failed to notice. "Now, how are you all doing?"

Willis jumped onto Mr. Poe to investigate this new individual who entered his territory. "Ook!" said he.

"Now, now, Sunny. I'm glad to see you too." He looked Willis in the face. "My god, Sunny! Look at your teeth! Misses Allgood, I can't believe you would let the children neglect personal hygiene to such a high degree; this is unacceptable!"

"That's not Sunny..."

"You don't even know the names of the kids your supposed to be looking after? Oh, this will not do! Come kids, I'm sorry to have left you with such a wretched keeper."

"But Mr. Poe, she just saved us - "

"Hush, child." Violet frowned--she hated being called a child."You don't have to defend her, if I have my way you'll never have to see her again."

"Errg," said Sunny, which probably meant something along the lines of "It's impossible talking to him when he's like this." Her siblings nodded their heads in grim agreement. He was always like this.

"Mr. Poe, with all do respect - "

"I'm sorry, Misses Allgood, but I cannot allow the children to stay with a keeper who doesn't support and enforce proper hygiene. As it is obvious you do not, I would be remiss in my responsibilities if I continued to let them suffer through this atrocity."

"But that's not even - "

"Now, now. I know what you're going to say, and I'll hear none of it."

She blinked. He clearly had absolutely no idea what she was going to say.

Mr. Poe handed Willis to Violet and started heading out of the temple, "Come on, children. It's time we are off, I've been away from the bank for far too long and there is business to be done."

"But..." Klaus started but couldn't find the words to finish his sentence.

"But..." Violet started but couldn't find the words to finish her sentence.

"Uh..." Sunny started but couldn't find the syllables to finish her word.

"I'll send someone to get your things, so don't worry about them," Mr. Poe answered their unspoken question--of course, that wasn't the unspoken question they _meant_ to ask, but according to Mr. Poe that's what they didn't say.

They walked on and Violet allowed Willis to regain the ground and picked up Sunny instead. Willis immediately went to Misses Allgood to comfort her loss of the children.

They walked off silently, glancing back repeatedly at Misses Allgood and the house they were now leaving. They had finally found someone who could actually manage to protect them and Mr. Poe wouldn't even let them stay...

Far away, a rustic gong sounded in high spirits. The Baudelaires did not hear it; but if they did, their spirits would not have been at all lifted.

* * *

_ Authors Notes: _That was not the rustic gong I intended to mention, but it ended up getting cut out of the story so I added that at the end just so I could cover everything I mentioned in the introduction. This wasn't one of my better chapters, I know, but there was a lot of action, and that's where I'm rather weak with writing. Also, I just wanted to end this bloody story. :p Hope you enjoyed! Review, please! 

I might submit a seperate chapter which lists all the allusions in the near future, but probably wont. So, here is a small list:

"OOK" -- Terry Pratchette's Orangutan/librarian.  
The monster -- Jabberwock from Lewis Carroll's much loved poem.  
Blaine Allgood -- Jane Goodall  
Willis -- isn't it obvious?  
"Beware of Leopard" -- Douglas Adams' _Hitchiker's_

There are others amongst the story which I'm sure you can spot, but I'm too lazy to find them at the minute.


End file.
